I turned thirty years of age a few days ago. No sooner had I got my GP to sign me off work with depression than I saw the monstrosity above.

But you’ve always had a face, Bryan, you might remark.

But that’s not what I’m referring to, oh Observant One. Rather, I am talking about the distinctly WHITE hair extruding from my nasal cavity (you can even see it in this crappy webcam shot!).

WTF!? I didn’t even know your nose hairs could go grey!

Thanks for that, God. Next you’ll be telling me that your pubes go grey and your genitals shrink with age, too.