HEATH LEDGER RIP #HeathLedgerRIP

This article was originally published the day after Heath Ledger died. It was my way of coping with a celebrity death that genuinely shook me. Fourteen years later, I repost it. Read the original editorial note below to understand what I was trying to do here. Enjoy.

Editorial note: A slightly surrealistic spoof of a tabloid article in the style of The Sun or somesuch. The paper is temporarily called The Fun.

–       Bryan A J Parry (23/1/08)

HEATH LEDGEND

ACTING HYPERSTAR HEATH LEDGER, HEREAFTER KNOWN VARIOUSLY AS HEATH LEDGER, HEATH, HEATH LEDGEND, OR “THE LEDGE”, HAS DIED. However, unlike in Heath’s blockbuster smash “The Brothers Grimm”, this isn’t all just a scam set up by conmen wiggling some duvet covers from the rafters and going “woo” a bit. He really is dead.

His brief but glamorous career saw him play such diverse roles as a knight in shining armour in the to be posthumously renamed “Heath Ledger’s A Knight’s Tale”. Whereas “Brokeback Cowboy” saw The Ledge playing the part of a gay cowboy who became crippled in a freak riding accident. And his last ever film, “The Dark Knight” (starring Batman, not Trevor McDonald as stated in yesterday’s The Fun), in an ironic twist of fate, has Ledgend play the part of the affable joker, a far cry from yesterday’s events, as nothing is less funny than dying. Life imitating art? No.

“The Dark Knight” will be on general release on pirate in the Spring. Turn to page 8 for your first six, free Heath Ledgend-shaped Bat-tokens.

The world of celebritydom was devastated.

Deranged racist Mel Gibson took a moment to reflect amid his hectic schedule of evangelising to say something decent for a change.

“As an Australian [and white], it is painful to hear of the death of a brother [and fellow milk-skin]. My thoughts and prayers, and the thoughts and prayers of my wife, my children, my church, and my fans are with him”.

Gibson, 52, went on to say how he is considering the viability of a bioflick based loosely around Heath Ledgend’s life.

“It will probably have him [ = Heath “The Legend” Ledgend] reprising his role as William Thatcher from ‘A Knight’s Tale’, but twisted and enraged by the death of his brother in my civil war masterpiece ‘The Patriot’. It’s probably gonna be necessary to computer animate it, and I’ve been talking to Dreamworks about this”. When asked if having a dead man star in his own production was even possible, Gibson shrugged his shoulders. “Tupac manages it”, he said.

“Why has God taken one of our finest actors from us? The Jews!!” Gibson added, in a moment of rare, frothy-mouthed passion, it has been alleged. Gibson was unfortunately unable to confirm or deny the rumoured outburst of rabidity as he was on a rally at the time, we assume.

Bruce Wallaby, producer of Home and Away in the 80s, recalls his memory of the late Heath: “I remember seeing this scrawny, blonde, mop-haired kid on the set one day. Thought it was some local kid trying to catch a glimpse of his idols. So I called security”. Only later on that evening, when Ledger had been released from jail, did Wallaby realise he’d seen actor legend-in-the-making, Heath Ledgend.  

“I’m deeply saddened. In Leith Hedger Britain has lost one of her finest daughters”, said Secretary for State, Jacqui Smith MP.

The PM was equally moved, saying: “Little Larry was only three years old. My deepest thoughts go out to his family at this time”.

The Fun newspaper urges all readers to fill in the coupon below with your name and address to support our “Legends Never Die” campaign where we petition the PM to put his money where his mouth is – not literally – and officially change Heath Ledger’s name by Deed Poll to “Heath Ledgend”. It’s what Heath would have wanted.

In other news, Heath Ledgend’s “Brothers Grimm” co-star Matt Damon was fined for speeding. He has accrued three Hollywood points.

© 2008, 2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image from https://wallpapersdsc.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Heath-Ledger-4K.jpg

Covid-19 Therapy Blog 3: Mask Mandates II #COVID19 #COVID19THERAPYBLOG #LIBERTARIANISM

This series of posts might serve as a bit of therapy for me and help me work stuff out.

Me, December 2021

Introduction to this series of posts
Link to all posts in this series

Introduction

In my first post on this Covid-19 Therapy Blog, I talked about my Libertarian instincts and why I think mask-wearing should be a personal choice, not something mandated by the State. Here I explore this a bit more (in this short* post).

For your own good?

We let people engage in all sorts of risky behaviour, even behaviour that can harm others. For example, we don’t enforce mask-wearing for those who have a cold or other sicknesses, nor in my opinion should we.

But okay, let’s say for argument’s sake that this virus is sufficiently lethal that we needed to be told to mask up at threat of criminal sanction, the question remains: for how long, and at what cost?

My daughter is three. She has never known a normal world. We used to laugh at the East Asian fetish for the mask. Let’s get sick, let’s build our immune system! That’s what we used to say. But yes, let’s look after our vulnerable so they are not at undue risk (by keeping them at home, for example). This is the way it always was: humane, free, but responsible.

We also used to scorn the niqab and other garments which veil a person’s face and take away their humanity. Yet now those who don’t mask up are seen as scum. Worse, they will be fined or arrested.

My daughter

What effect will it have on my daughter not growing up seeing people’s faces? This thing has gone on for two years. Two years is nothing. But for my daughter, two years is her whole world. I’m thirty-seven. It’s no exaggeration to say that her last two years are equal to my last thirty-six; it’s all she’s ever known. I fear for my beautiful girl and what this normalising of not seeing people’s faces, what this fetishisation for a lack of germs, is doing to her.

*My personal definition of “short” is less than 300 words, maximum; more than that, and a blog posts starts to feel like an essay.

**The Wikipedia page on Libertarianism which I linked you to says this: Libertarianism is a political philosophy that upholds liberty as a core principle. Libertarians seek to maximize autonomy and political freedom, emphasizing free association, freedom of choice, individualism and voluntary association.

© 2021-2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image taken from https://www.fsb.org.uk/static/351a084c-3d5f-4d75-8dfabfa5f0c5d993/COVID19-Header-Image.jpg

Film Review “A Classic Horror Story” (2021) #NetflixReview #150WordReview

Should be called A Classic Horror Story Medley

Strangers carpooling together across Italy get stranded in the woods and stalked by an evil presence and must fight tooth and nail to get out in one piece. As one of our characters remarks, “It’s like the set-up of a classic horror movie.”

A Classic Horror Movie, ironically, won’t go down as a classic horror movie. Indeed, it doesn’t even have the storyline of a classic horror movie. It does feel eerily familiar, however, with hints of Evil DeadSaw, and Cabin in the Woods thrown in. The spooky house in the woods (another classic horror trope) was well-designed and very unsettling. What the movie sometimes lacks in acting it makes up for in atmos.

A suspenseful and gruesome flick with a wonderful post-credits sequence which is just perfect. However, it thinks it’s a bit cleverer than it actually is. Should be called A Classic Horror Story Medley.

3/5

© 2021-2022 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image from https://www.themoviedb.org/t/p/original/xERFvMxDCWtcxgo3oJ1BXaEjvs4.jpg

Film Review “Haunt” (2019) #NetflixReview #Haunt

you are in for a treat

originally published on moviereviewsblog here

A group of friends out on Hallowe’en stumble upon an “extreme” haunted house which promises a real life nightmare. However, it soon becomes apparent that something is very wrong in this haunted house, this is one nightmare they won’t wake up from.

A kind of Halloween-cum-Saw-cum-Escape Room, this movie is in no way derivative or exploitative. It’s thrilling, disturbing and tense. I have to say, I haven’t enjoyed a horror this much for a while. From co-writer-director duo Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, the minds behind the wonderful A Quiet Place, you are in for a treat.

This kind of movie usually ends with a stapled-on plot twist which “explains” the motivations of the baddies, even though this ending never follows on logically from the movie itself. Ya know the kind of ending: “It turns out the baddie done it because (s)he’s mad with grief after his son killed himself with drugs as a result of depression caused by failing a single physics class paper set by his teacher — the mother of the protagonist!” On one hand, it was a relief not to have to deal with this kind of movie-ruining ending; on the other hand, the total lack of rhyme and reason for how, why, when the baddie did all of this stops the movie being five stars. There just is no reason or sense to why the baddies do what they do, how they were able to set up their elaborate trap, where our baddies came from, and why nobody have rumbled them before.

Having said that, a wonderful movie!

4/5

© 2021 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image from https://horrornews.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Haunt-2019-movie-Scott-Beck-Bryan-Woods-1.jpg

Covid-19 Therapy Blog 2: What Is “Libertarianism”? #Covid19 #Covid19TherapyBlog #Libertarianism

Introduction to this series of posts
Link to all posts in this series

In the first article in this Covid-19 Therapy Blog, I talked briefly about why wearing face masks can be good and why it can be bad. I also mentioned my instincts coming at things from a “libertarian” approach.

Yes, I am a “libertarian”, but what does that even mean? It’s becoming a much-maligned term, especially slandered by those on the left as uncaring fat cat capitalism, but also sometimes by those on the right as “libertinism”.

Given that my libertarian instincts inform most of my thoughts on this current Covid-19 situation, I thought it might be a good idea to attempt a brief definition of what Libertarianism actually is for my readers.

The Wikipedia article which I linked you to in the previous posts starts by summing it up pretty well:

Libertarianism is a political philosophy that upholds liberty as a core principle. Libertarians seek to maximize autonomy and political freedom, emphasizing free association, freedom of choice, individualism and voluntary association.

We believe that respecting individual rights in this way is the only moral way to live. Sadly, when there is a public panic, people often lose their minds, and many unfair and illiberal things become law… Surely, “my body, my choice” still holds, does it not?

© 2021 Bryan A. J. Parry

featured image taken from https://www.fsb.org.uk/static/351a084c-3d5f-4d75-8dfabfa5f0c5d993/COVID19-Header-Image.jpg