Here’s one of those “helpful” clickbait articles that just popped up which leaves you wondering why you wasted those ten minutes of your life reading it. It reveals why men aren’t supposed to do up all the buttons on a suit jacket. It turns out the real reason is… no-one is quite sure why. Brilliant(!) But the article does give us the following life-saving advice: sometimes-always-never. That is, sometimes do up the first button, always do up the second button, never do up the third button (on two button jackets, only buttons two and three are present).
I’ve never liked this so-called rule. Seems stupid. I do whichever buttons seem sensible. Generally none, or two, but not one — the supposed proper way –, which is dumb. No buttons means I’m loose and free, two is for when I need to be smart or kept warm. One is a wishy-washy half-measure which achieves neither the end of comfort nor the end of warmth.
Got into a big funeral-based argument with my nouveau-riche uncle recently. He was aghast and full of scorn at my flouting of the sometimes-always-never diktat. I said to him that I’m more comfortable with both or neither button. He ridiculed me. I asked him to explain, in logical objective terms, why I should only do up the middle button — apart, that is, from his slavish following of mindless custom. He said it looks smarter. I said, “According to you”. He spluttered and shook his head sadly at my ignorance. I smiled inside because I had won the argument. Even if he didn’t realise it.
© 2017 Bryan A. J. Parry
Text © 2016 Bryan A. J. Parry
If you stare at it long enough, it starts to go backwards. A little after that, your eyes explode.