It was International Women’s Day on the 7th of March. I say: Bah humbug! What about us men!? Well, luckily enough, I set a day up for us last year: INTERNATIONAL LADS’ DAY. It’s celebrated on the 26th of July, the birthday of the most ultimate and legitimate lad to have ever walked the earth: Jason Statham.
Women. First they got the vote. Then they got the pill. Now they got CONTROL.
Valentine’s Day. Mother’s Day. Anniversaries. And now International Women’s Day(!) All of these are a SCAM perpetrated on men by an unholy alliance of FEMALES and GREETING CARD COMPANY EXECUTIVES. To what end? Simply put: to subjugate men to the worst tyranny possible: financial, emotional, societal.
Listen. What bloke gives a monkey’s about Valentine’s? None. What woman? Just all of ’em. Always makes me shake my head sadly when the subject of Valentine’s comes up; they’ll be some young lad going, “Ohh, we won’t be doing anything. She says she doesn’t believe in it”. SHE’S TESTING YOU, FOOL! Of course she cares; they ALL do!!Women keep shit-chatting me, “Ohh, but Valentine’s/Anniversaries/etc are for men, too”.Yeah, right: who you trying to convince, love!?
Well, I’ve had enough. Women get too many made-up holidays these days. The virulent spread of International Women’s Day is the straw that broke this camel’s back. What about MEN, eh? What do we get??
There should be an International LADS’ Day. A day just for LADS. A Day when LADS can be LADS, do LAD stuff with other LADS, watch the football, drink beer in our undies, look at titties on page three without shame or pretending to read the political article on page two. A day FOR LADS, BY LADS, where women have to serve us beer naked, their headaches magically dissapear, they are seen and not heard, shoe shops are closed all day, and we can visit brown town if we so please!
So, I’m calling on all males to GROW A PAIR, STAND UP, and PROCLAIM INTERNATIONAL LADS’ DAY.
Of course, you know what day it’s gonna be on: 26th July, every year from now on. Why the 26th of July? It’s only the birthday of the LAD TO END ALL LADS, the GREATEST LAD OF ALL: JASON “THE STATH, THE LEDGE, THE LAD” STATHAM.*
Jason Statham: Ultimate LAD.
SPREAD WORD OF INTERNATIONAL LADS’ DAY, YOU LADS! GROW A FUCKIN’ PAIR.
*rumours that THE STATH used to be a soppy diver, like Tom Daley, is a LIE put out by the enemy of LADS to grind us down. Keep the faith, brother.