“Movie Reviews Blog” (2020) Review

the worst pandemic in a hundred years

After tragedy struck in the Autumn of 2017 forcing writer Bryan Parry (Bryan Parry) to cease work on his movie reviews blog, he had to rebuild his life. He was determined that 2020 would be his year, the year to relaunch his career and achieve success. Little did he know a global pandemic would strike. Can Bryan juggle commitments as husband and father, and power through the worst pandemic in a hundred years, to achieve his goal of online writing success, or will he succumb to the pressures of life?

Movie Reviews Blog (2020) is the long-awaited reboot of Film Movie TV Blog (2017) and the abortive reboot Film Movie TV Blog (2018). A slow-mover, the film sees Bryan slowly consolidate, expand and extend the reach of his blog, introducing new features along the way (such as social media channels Twitter and Instagram) and the Hall of Fame and Shame, and increasing production to upwards of two articles a week. His readership has increased massively, perhaps also helped along with his trademark touches of humour.

Not everyone’s cup of tea, Movie Reviews Blog is none-the-less the tale of how, even given hard circumstances, anyone can make progress. However, the story feels somewhat incomplete, almost as if the final act was missing. Perhaps the rumoured sequel Movie Reviews Blog 2021 (2021) will see our hero Bryan become a break-out success.

3/5

© 2020-2021 Bryan A. J. Parry

Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 5 #spoof

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Back to the Future (20??)

Nooooooo. I can’t even bring myself to joke about this. But I just know it’s going to happen! Despite what Robery Zemeckis says, money talks; just ask Judas. How dare they will have going to have rebooted this classic! Sad face. Possibly justified as someone having gone back to the past from the future and changing the timelines in some kind of Star Trek reboot stylee.

No. Seriously. This will happen.

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboot: 4 #spoof

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The X-Files: the Amazon Prime Series (2025)

Once the new X-Files series (starting 2016) got cancelled after two seasons, it was only a matter of time before a reimaginized reboot would happen. Relive the story anew of the odd couple that was African American logical smart-thinking LGBT activist, Divinity Scully, and white middle-class zany new-age Jew, Davina Duchovny, as they investigate the paranormal — all at the tax-payers’ expense.

Note: this article was originally written in 2016, and the prediction about only two seasons of the new X-Files has actually come true!

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 3

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The Lord of the Rings: the HBO series (2022)

After scrabbling around for something, anything to replicate the success of Game of Thrones (finished 2018), HBO finally hits upon the idea of a Lord of the Rings series(!) It’s time to go back down the Hobbit hole, but this time using all the appendices and flabby bits that Walsh, Boyens, and Jackson wisely left out of the film, in an all new, ten-episodes-a-series, eight-series epic. Starring Sean Bean — who dies again.

Note: this article was originally written in 2016, and this prediction has actually come true!

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 2

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Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Part I (2022)

For a new generation of kids and fans, J. K. Rowling’s world now eked out with additional previously undiscovered source materials, this will spark a new frenzy of pottermania. Each of the first six books will receive a two part film makeover each, with the final getting a trilogy — or a two-part trilogy, depending on the box office takings.

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: 1

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Labyrinth (2021)

Spurred on by the popstar’s recent demise, this is a hastily cobbled together “tribute” to the classic David Bowie flick. With none of the charm and wonder of the original, this film will shit all over your childhood memories. Possibly starring a female as David Bowie, and ever-young Elijah Wood (now 40 years old) playing 16 year old Sam (formerly Sarah, portrayed by Jennifer Connelly).

The next part will be released over the weekend

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Upcoming Movie and TV Reboots: Intro #Spoof

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It used to be that to qualify for a reboot or remake, a film had to satisfy two criteria:

  1. the original had to be a “classic”,
  2. a generation had to have passed since the original: Cape Fear (1962, 1991), The Hills Have Eyes (1977, 2006), Superman (1976, 2006).

Not so anymore. The appearance of Cabin Fever, a 2016 remake of a middling 2002 film, means all bets are off. And it’s not the only one:

  • Hulk (2003, 2008)
  • Fantastic Four (2005, 2015)
  • Death at a Funeral (2007, 2010)
  • Planet of the Apes (1968, 2001… 2011)

Using sophisticated NASA-style algorithms (read: guesswork) powered by the next generation software and hardware (read: coffee, boredom in my job), I have managed to foretell a 100% accurate schedule* of film and TV reboots for the next few years.

So put these dates in your daybook, because these films are coming to a cinema near you!

*At time of going to press: all changes to schedule are the result of a mishap with a DeLorean.

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Top 5 Forgetful Sports Stars, Yeehaw! News (Spoof Article)

TOP 5 FORGETFUL SPORTS STARS, YEEHAW NEWS (SPOOF ARTICLE)

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5. In 1993 Michael Jordan shocked the world by turning away from basketball and turning out for baseball’s the Chicago White Sox. He caused even more of a stir when, on returning to basketball 18 months later, he came fully kitted out in pitcher’s glove, cap, and bat. Despite the initial shock, Jordan put in an unorthodox performance and scored three home runs as the Chicago Bulls beat the Orlando Magic 74-21 in the NBA finals.

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4. Back in 2007, Javier Mascherano forget he’d signed a five year, twenty million pound deal with FC Barcelona and shocked colleagues by turning up to train at Anfield on the first day of pre-season.

“We didn’t want to break it to him”, said club legend Steven Gerrard, “his wife had just left him for John Terry at the time and I think his Argie mind wasn’t all there”

Mascherano played out a full 17 games for Liverpool before FC Barcelona decided to break the news to him and bring him kicking and screaming to the Camp Nou.

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3. Top thug Ashley Cole forgot he was married to Cheryl Cole and went home and shagged Cheryl’s bandmate, Kimberley Walsh. The case of mistaken identity only came to light on the couple’s wedding anniversary when Cheryl turned up on a Bahamas beach and demanded a divorce. Ashley Cole’s defence of, “I’m sorry darling, but all you white chicks look the same to me” didn’t go down well, but later a qualified sportologist confirmed that the champion marksman Cole was definitely not insane, or drunk. Ashley and Cheryl remarried a week later and, in a gey twist of fate, Walsh was the bridesmaid.

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2. Number two on our list, Rio Ferdinand, who, on the Saturday morning of the 14th of April, 2004, between 7.43 and 9.21am, forgot to act like a self-important, smug prick. All were stunned.

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1. Perhaps the greatest shock in sporting history, however, came when 1936 FA cup legend, Clifford Bastin, forgot he had died in 1991, and turned in a stellar performance for Arsenal against Manchester United in the 2005 FA Cup final, ultimately scoring twice and being awarded man of the match. When a news reporter questioned him post-match on this unlikely turn of events, he yelled “eek” and disappeared in a puff of ash never to be seen again.

 

© 2013-2014 Bryan A. J. Parry

Images from:
5 ibtimes.com
4 newsobserver.com
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/legacy/chrischarles/rio595335.jpg
http://img1.ngoisao.vn/news/2011/12/6/44/henrybastinjpg1323142543.jpg

Article inspired by “Top 5 Forgetful Sports Stars”: http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/the-rundown/article/5807/